I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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