I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
