yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
