How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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