and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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