he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
