uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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