we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
