yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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