just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
