Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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