I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
