I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
