i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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