Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
