and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Two words: nipple clamps
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