You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
