Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
