He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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