I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
