You work out of a Hotel?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
