i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
