She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
