I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my shit smells like andre
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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