I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
