the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
