I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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