I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
