He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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