Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
