my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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