A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
