I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
