in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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