I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
