my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
