I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
