I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
