you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
