shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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