ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have demons in me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How external is "for external use only"?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
