you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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