My sheets look like a crime scene.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
