Just fell off a train. Bad.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
