Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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