Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My life is pants optional.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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