her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
