thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
