I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
