id be glad to
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
