I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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