White coat. Heels.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
