we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
