so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
