ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
