i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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