Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
