Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
