I can text with my tongue
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
