it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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