Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
