We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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