So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dear god my vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
