So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
