I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
