Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
