just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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