I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
