If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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