For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
