Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
