I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
