Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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