John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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