a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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