He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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