She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
